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17 October 2011 @ 01:03 am
Jezibella Lilliana Riddle by juicygirl213: COMPLETE for now  
I found this little gem on PotterSues. I thought it was hilarious enough to do, so I copied the text into a document and saved it. Go to PotterSues if you want to see what they've got.

So here's the gist. Jezibella Lilliana Riddle was born to Lily Evans and Tom Riddle. This is while she's married to James Potter. This is while Tom is Lord Snakeface. I know Tom is still pretty hot as Snakeface by the movie, but seriously? Oh, even better, the summary of the story says Harry and Jez are twins, so that means Harry is Tom's son. BRILLIANT. So we start with the very brief backstory of how Jezibella disappeared and went to Tom's orphanage after some years. Already I'm laughing since Tom HATES that orphanage with a burning passion of a thousand suns. Maybe he was hoping she'd die in the embers? Anyway, so we have this small problem of perspective writing being constantly switched around. First it is third person and then it goes to First Person for a long while and then briefly switches to third before going back to first. It feels like if this were a gear box that the poor car would need to go to a mechanic really quickly. So we see that after Lucius is set to take care of her he sends her to a muggle family in America. Again, I start laughing, but I digress. She grows up as Madilyn Mason and she gets her own accessory--I mean boyfriend.

And every time this boy's name pops up I start thinking of Sean Connery in the SNL sketch with Alex Trebeck. "I'll take The Rapist for 400, Trebeck!"

Back to the point... So she gets to go to Malfoy Manor and Draco acts pretty well like Edward Cullen through it. I say that because Draco is an amazing brat that would be terrified to do anything with the daughter of the Dark Lord if this were actually Draco. This guy? He's caring and kind, chivalrous and charming; this man is how Edward is played up to be. Of course Edward is a manipulative, overbearing, creepy stalker in truth, but the description I just gave is how he's supposed to be perceived and that's why I say Edward has taken Draco's place. I therefore can only conclude that this chick is a Twitard. At least Jez isn't acting like Bella, who is a sociopathic, manipulative, scheming, bratty little whore. No, Jez is just boring with a Juicy Couture love. I have no idea why, either. Best bet is that it's the brand that the author would love to wear because Juicy Couture is Expensive.

So Jez started out with red hair and suddenly got changed to having black hair, green eyes and naturally tanned skin. I must therefore wonder where she got the tanned skin from, because it sure as hell wasn't from either Lily Or Tom. The both of them are as white as Crisco and melt just as easily in the sun. (Thanks, Alex.) Amanda's best guess is that she's from New Jersey and stole Snookie's fake tan bottles. Either way, I have fun with this.

Jezibella Lilianna Riddle
Jezibella Liliana Riddle

A Never Wilting Bloom by juicygirl213

Chapter One: 1 2
Chapter Two: 1 2 3
Chapter Three: 1 2 3
Chapter Four: 1 2 3
Chapter Five
Chapter Six: 1 2
Chapter Seven: 1 2
Mood?: amusedamused