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06 November 2011 @ 06:03 am
I started reading The Host by Stephanie Meyer  
So I was at Half-Price Books and found The Host for about $10. I thought "what the hell" and got it since I had the money on me and figured since it was Meyer it would be pretty golden for lulz. I've only just gotten through the prologue, which is decently short, though of course explains nothing other than the aliens' point of view. This may end up being more about the fact that the editors clearly either don't exist or don't care.

We start with Fords Deep Waters, a hosted alien called a "soul". You see, in this world, the Earth has clearly been taken over by these angelic ribbons somehow and then forked themselves over to all the peoples of Earth so that the humans would have a "soul". I say "angelic ribbon" because that's how they're described. They're a silvery ribbon that has sort of wings or feathers along its sides that it uses to connect to the nervous system of a being with. Now these creatures have an interesting system going on: they don't use their host names, but use their own, which somehow sound even less logical and more annoying and stupid than most hippie names. Fords Deep Waters is, like all Souls, a calm, loving person at heart, though since he's in a human host he is prone to irritation and negative feelings, because only humans have negative emotions.Fords Deep Waters is a Healer and he's doing an operation to attach Wanderer to a human girl that the Seekers captured, probably while she was trying to blow shit up, and proceeded to kick the living shit out of her. Fords Deep Waters then healed her and then prepared her for receiving a soul and then closed the wound. He then wished Wanderer good luck and that's the end of the prologue.

So all while in this Fords is having issues with putting this particular soul into a host because Wanderer is the second coming. She is a Christ-like soul that has been to six or seven worlds and has never lived twice as any single species. She has been everything from a dragon, to a wolf, to a bat to a "see weed". Yes, you saw that right, she has been "see weed". That is what is written in the book. I'm not certain if this is a typo or there are weeds that have eyes. That probably would explain why it got through. Another thing, there's no table of contents. The page numbers are all at the top and never on the bottom pages. This annoys me since I would keep track of when I finished a chapter or when I started by putting the dates on the table of contents, but not now.

Anyway, so Fords has issues because Wanderer is Christ Almighty and putting her into a lowly man-animal will corrupt and ruin the pure soul that she is. Clearly, humans are wretched, awful things that much be tamed and used to host the only good things about them: SOULS.

Meyer's applying her sledgehammer again, I see.

Oh. What kills me most is the back of this fucking thing. There are quotes and the quotes are just awful.

"Stephani Meyer is an amazing phenomenon--out of the brightness of her mind and spirit comes the illuminated darkness of her stories. For no matter how much pain her characters suffer, Meyer infuses the tales with light and hope." --Orson Scott Card, Author of The Ender Saga

"A fascinating, passionate, and unique psychological thriller. In The Host, Stephanie Meyer gives a new and surprising meaning to the phrase 'being of two minds'!" --Katherine Neville, author of The Eight

and the worst one of all that made my grandmother groan in pain and disgust... believe me it was an interesting noise from her.

"A fantastic, inventive, thoughtful, and powerful novel. The Host should come with a warning label: it will grab you and keep you reading well into the wee hours of night, and keep you thinking, deeply, hauntingly, well after the final word. Stephanie Meyer captures characters and handles story line like a master--a hybrid combination of Stephen King and Isaac Asimov." --Ridley Pearson, author of Killer Weekend

Have any of these people ever read Isaac Asimov? My grandmother is an old school Sci-fi fiend. She has read Asimov. She has read many different authors and all of them are better than Meyer will ever be. And... really? Stephen King? You do realize that Mr. King completely denounced Meyer, right? Because she really can't write. She can't. Not at all.

Just.. good lord these people.
Mood?: annoyedannoyed
Augustine: lady gaga wtfageofalejandro on November 6th, 2011 06:15 pm (UTC)
I'm pretty sure part of the reason OSC gave her such a gushing review it's 'cause he's Mormon, too.

Just sayin'. I have a friend who went to the university he teaches at and says that seems like something he would do.

Also, sounds like a revolting read.
angel_renoirangel_renoir on November 6th, 2011 06:56 pm (UTC)
I heard this book is worse than all of the Twilight books combined. I tried reading it once, but got bored. I had to renew the check-out twice, but still can't finish it and I gave up.