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16 October 2010 @ 07:41 am
...No, I'm not going to joke around. I'm not going to put in silly little comics and pictures to illustrate my point. I'm not going to futz around with little depictions of the crazy. This story is absolute pain. I warn you this story will make you rage for canon to come back. It will make you search out pstibbons and kill him in slow and very painful ways. It will make you loathe the very name of pstibbons instead of laugh at it. this "fic" doesn't deserve the likes of my drawings. It doesn't deserve anything more than my outright loathing for its mere existance. It deserves the wrath of an angry god to strike it down where it stands. That is this fic.

This fic is so terrible and horrifying and horrible that I went out for extra paper just to continue rebutting every single fucking thing that is wrong with this God Damned Fic. I continued writing until my fucking hand hurt. I had to end it early because of that very problem. It is that bad. It is so bad that it deserves a worse fate than being seen in the So Horrible It's Horrible section of TV Tropes. It deserves a showcasing on every single GodAwful type board and site possible just to show just how horrible it truly is. That is how bad this fic is.

Oh, but you're probably wondering why it's that bad.

I would tell you to read it, but trying to read that garbage would be like trying to read the insane ramblings of a psychotic ten year old boy off his meds. Oh wait, I just described the author. In this story we open to an "exerpt" from a fictional autobiography by Viktor Krum from 2032. Then, pretty much the next thing we're treated to is the disgusting description of him fucking Cedric. Hermione shows up and she isn't suprised or even trying to just leave them alone and forget about it, no, she's a complete bitch and calls them dickheads before going by them and grabbing a book and then commenting on their asses as she walks away. Krum tries to get her to keep quiet later and she nearly hexes his face off when he corners her. Then, she calls him a heronista (a derrogetory term directed at Ron/Hermione shippers) and then Krum suddenly has the insatiable need to have her be his "friend". I put that in quotations because quite honestly despite his constantly talking about cock and how he's queer he doesn't act like it. He acts like he's more interested in banging Hermione.

Oh, but it doesn't end there. No no no... see... This is about the Yule Ball and the author getting revenge on Ron for shouting at Hermione at the Yule Brawl. See, unlike a lot of H/Hrs, who are crazy to begin with, this guy doesn't want Hermione with anyone. He doesn't believe in it. He thinks an original character him is better suited to her. But enough of that. The Yule Brawl happens... unlike what it is in the book with Hermione shouting at Ron and then storming off from the common room, and instead divulges to have Ron and Harry walk off without her and leave her with Krum. She then God-mods and forces Ron into a duel where she tortures him with one spell and then tortures him some more with Dark Satan Magic Powers. I say that, because.... oh fuck, just read the goddamn thing.

And then the author tells us all to STFU because we're a bunch of gutless maggots who are beneath him. God I hate him.

I want to see this man bleed for every wrong he has committed against canon.Collapse )

Mood?: enragedenraged
Singin': The pounding fury in my skull...
Here we have the bastardization of Hermione and Ron's daughter Rose Weasley. She's turned into a raging depressive, obsessive, nihilistic psycho claiming she shouldn't exist and the whole premise centers around how Ron, Ginny and Molly collaborated to continually feed Hermione a love potion so Ron could rape Hermione for several years until she died at 40 from the flu. Molly's so out of character it's insulting. Ginny's so out of character it's mind boggling. Hermione's treated like a martyr. Ron's treated like a criminal. And Harry's reduced to being useless.

This was the most insane one that I saw of pstibbon's fics, but I've got others I'm going to do. They're all pretty short so I can do one after another fairly quickly if I can keep from flying into a rage between the pages. (I'm not even joking. I had to read this monstrosity to Alex to relieve some of the built up pressure.)

More stupid than anything I've ever seen before.Collapse )
Mood?: aggravatedaggravated
Singin': whatever's on Pandora Radio right now
29 September 2010 @ 07:17 am
How do I explain this.... Okay, so when I was poking through old links and crap for making documents to keep in case the story went offline I came across My Immortal again. I thought "Why not?" so I made a document of the whole story with page breaks and printed out some chapters. Let me tell you that while My Immortal is terrible, it isn't the least bit BLAND. It's a bizarre romp through the mind of a very strange, possibly completely insane little girl who can't figure out what being gothy is all about. Meanwhile, stories like Powerful Desire make my blood boil from the sheer stupidity and Marauders and McGonagalls is facepalm worthy. Neither one, however, is nearly as lulzy as My Immortal so I've had some fun beating the dead horse a while longer yet.

Also, you get lots and lots of doodles in this because of the incredible amount of space I get to work with. I might end up doing my ranting and crap on the back of the paper if I don't have the room on the page, but otherwise you get some very interesting little bits from me while I read this instead of something more intelligent like this romance novel I found for fifty cents about Atlantian mercenaries or some other weird crap.

I have done this before, so if you want to see the previous whipping of this fic look here.

My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie

Doll from Dolldivine's Fairytale Girl dress up game.

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three: 1 2
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine: 1 2
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven: 1 2
Chapter Twelve: 1 2 3
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen: 1 2
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen: 1 2 3
Chapter Seventeen: 1 2
Chapter Eighteen: 1 2
Chapter Nineteen: 1 2
Chapter Twenty: 1 2
Chapter Twenty-One: 1 2
Chapter Twenty-Two: 1 2
Chapter Twenty-Three: 1 2
Chapter Twenty-Four: 1 2
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight 1 2
Chapter Twenty-Nine 1 2
Chapter Thirty 1 2
Chapter Thirty-One 1 2
Chapter Thirty-Two 1 2 3
Chapter Thirty-Three 1 2
Chapter Thirty-Four 1 2
Chapter Thirty-Five 1 2
Chapter Thirty-Six 1 2
Mood?: awakeawake
Singin': BAD APPLE!! by nomico
This was done long ago in a galaxy far, far away. It was handed to me by, I think, Bo'sun Alex back before I knew her. I recall very strongly how when I called the little shit out on her bullshit she pretty well tried to intimidate me and threaten me. Then again, the Phantom community went apeshit on me when I said Erik wasn't real. Go figure. Well, I sort of forgot about this fic. I got distracted by other, shinier, lulzier things and forgot to do much more of this. I don't have the original bits I did handy, so I'm doing it over... for however long I care to do. It isn't as though it will matter since quite honestly the woman now seems to be trying to ignore me. *shrug*

Besides, I've got something big I've been wanting to do and never could figure out how to go do it.

Powerful Desire is about Desirae, a self-professed "plain Jane" Hispanic girl (I think) and her adventures with the friendly neighborhood Phantom ghost. (I say I think she's Hispanic because I made note of that before.) In this story Desirae swears is her real life and that Erik came back from the dead to teach her how to dance and sing and use her special magic powers because she prayed to God to send her the Phantom of the Opera to teach her. Oh, and she is the reincarnation of Christine Daae. (BRILLIANT!)

Desirae has a very funky way of writing; it's backwards written in such a way that I think she was trying to sound more profound in doing it and failed miserably in the process. She also ends up sounding a LOT like Bella Swan most of the time and Erik sounds like Edward Cullen. (Meyer came from Corpus Christi, TX?) The story itself is blatantly obvious, it's stupid and for the most part just a fantasy, wish fullfillment piece made to make the author feel good about herself. Meanwhile she still has yet to tell me that she was indeed making it all up.

Fake cut to an fake life. Meyer could only dream of something so convoluted. oh wait...Collapse )

And now it's done. This story was monstrous. Not only were there spelling and grammar errors that were hilarious, but the plot, the logic, the very ideas behind it all were just so horrible as to be horrifying. Horrifying that someone actually thinks that this is all real and they were trying to tell people about their life. No, Miss, Erik is not in your room. He is not even a ghost. You, however, are insane. Go find the nearest insane asylum and check yourself in for psychiatric help. You need it.
Mood?: cynicalcynical
Yes, I know Scriblerusday did this already, though in their own way. (Go on and read the whole thing. It perfectly sets up what you read in my pages.) I couldn't let it go when I saw it. It pissed me off as much as the Yu-Gi-Oh fic did, so here you go. However, I got bored and printed out four chapters to do the way I do Twilight; I use an actual red pen on the pages and make it look like it's bleeding. Now that I've done them I think it's actually more convenient to do than trying to use the new MSPaint. Think about that for a moment. However, there is something to be said about using that Crayon function. XD I love it. (Which means I ought to go find some crayons to play with, but I digress.)

Sapphire and Jessie McGonagall are Minerva McGonagall's two nieces who, quite frankly, are as vapid as Bella Swan. Jessie has non-mommy issues, which is my way of saying that the author sort of neglected the clear mommy issues that Jessie has because her mom completely fucking ignores her; meanwhile, Sapphire is everyone's favorite little princess complete with a white unicorn that farts rainbows. (Only partially joking.) Sapphire's so perfect that she bags Remus Lupin with no trouble and then promptly tells him to stop referring to himself as a person because he's not really human. (what?) I could summarize more, but Scriblerusday did it better than I could.

Fake cut is fake. Go forth and enjoy the bland humor, bland relationships, and bland story.Collapse )

Fuck this story. Fuck it with a rusty rake. I'm done. If anyone else wants to do this, go after it. As scribbleruesday said this is some hardcore relationship sue work. It's long, tedious and the only thing that makes it better is that the chapters are short.
Mood?: accomplishedaccomplished
Singin': Rush Limbaugh
20 July 2010 @ 07:57 pm
Sue Name: Sapphire McGonagall
Suethor Name and URL: Minerva Liquidus Laetitia Evenstar (Please do not make fun of her name) and Never Be Normal
Story URL: Marauders and McGonagalls
Brief Description of Sue and Story
What would happen if Professor McGonagall had two beautiful nieces that went to school with the Marauders, and one of them had a pet tiger and the other had a psychic cat?

Sue #1: Beautiful, smart, perfect, passionate, chaste, pure, relationship Sue with Remus Lupin, popular for no apparent reason, beautiful eyes, sings so sweetly everyone cries, etc. etc.
Sue #2: sweet, smart, unpopular for no apparent reason, shy little wallflower, relationship Sue with Sirius Black.
    Note: the second Sue's owner disappeared at some point along the way, so she's relegated to second fiddle and is therefore less developed, such as the word is applicable to Sues. Additionally, our two angels are HARD CORE relationship Sues, and everything else is secondary to that, including sooper dooper awesome neat powers.
Sue #3: Preternaturally developed mentally. Beautiful eyes.
Gary Stu: Perfect, smart, hot, etc.

The author is like Tara of My Immortal fame, but with less emo, better spelling, and Aspergers.  And her site is like taking a step back in internet time, to like, 1998.

Meet Sapphire McGonagall, our heroine:
"...Sapphire didn't know it, but boys often debating if Sapphire or Lily was the prettiest and/or most popular girl in their year. It all came down to if they preferred Lily's crimson hair, bright green eyes, and confidence or Sapphire's curvy figure, golden hair, and sapphire blue eyes for which her parents named her.

Who, the author cops to, is her very own Sue.

Sapphire is in almost all of your fics. How did you invent her?

Basically, Sapphire is who I am and who I wish I could be. She is based on me in being honest, trustworthy, loyal, intelligent, in love with Remus, easily stressed, and having strong values. In addition, we posess the same sense of humour and prefer to wear jewellery and skirts instead of trousers.
Conversely, she is musically talented, beautiful, patient, always selfless, and modest. I am not, but I wish I was.
The only negative quality she has that I do not is that she's too trusting. That isnot something I want to be, yet I gave her that trait to make her a more interesting character to write about.

(from her FAQ and preserved in full color)
I don't think you can have a Sue and be humble.

This sporking (as I guess you call it?) is long and both an analysis of the fic and of her Sues. Because I detest the author and want her to die.

Oh, and a note for spoilers for Twilight. If you don't want to know what happens to the Author Avatar of that series, well, skip the first and fourth installments. It's unavoidable because there are SO many similarities - I'm half convinced Meyers read this fan fic and straight up lifted parts of it.

Part One
The Wedding (double commentary by myself and Arskina)
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
(it's forty two chapters long, ladies and gentlemen - this is squeezing this sucker down)

Once again, going through my old files for screenshot stories I haven't done. I'm sitting here watching Doctor Who--fourth doctor-- and I just bought myself Mansfield Park and Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen because I've been reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and have gone into a Jane Austen mood. Poor Amanda's conked out for the moment, she's had a long weekend, so I'm left to myself to watch the good Doctor go about saving the day. And for some reason or other I can't find my sunglasses anywhere. Oh well, I guess I'll have to get some tomorrow. Anyway, I digress.

This story was in my files and I pulled it out and looked to see if I could get better screenshots for it. Well, as my luck would have it the author took the story down and I've only got the first ten chapters of it. Oh well! This is a very boring little story, though no where near as mind-numbingly boring as say Forevercountry's work, and it features your basic, average mary sue. She comes to Hogwarts in Harry's fourth year and went to a regular school in Scotland, but nevermind that since she speaks in blatant Americanisms, and she DOESN'T KNOW MAGIC. She's sixteen, but nevermind that because she changes ages, I think, somewhere in there because she's in Harry's year, which is his fourth year. And then, of course, she's a Gryffindor, sorry, Griffendore, and Fred and George teach her all the magic she missed in previous years in one day so that she's suddenly proficient in it all.

Her name is Peyton Harrison and she has Harry's balls and Draco's balls as well. And when I say she has their balls I mean it. The first moment Harry sees Peyton he goes out of his way to pull her onto the train and into the compartment with him, Ron and Hermione. Harry and Peyton both fall asleep with his head on her shoulder and hers resting on his head. And then he gets jealous and physically ill from it when he sees Draco taking Peyton out and romancing her. -.o

Oh, and supposedly she has some super secret reason that Dumbledore didn't allow a letter to go to her until that very year for Hogwarts, but, of course, as I said, the author took the story down and I only have the first ten chapters. She put it up again, but it's a revised version that is only one chapter long, that I can tell. (I only took a look to see how many chapters it has, not that I actually read it.)

As usual, you can read it on the U.S.S. Sue Destroyer.
Mood?: chipperchipper
Singin': watching Doctor Who
29 July 2009 @ 07:14 am

This is the story of Tom's daughter with some chick named Sally who got knocked up, had a kid and Sally's parents moved them all to America without daddy!Tom. Tessa Sage Riddle is the author incarnated as Voldemort's daughter, complete with bad time line scheduling and Voldemort acting like Mister Rogers. Even better is her description. She has "knee-length" black hair and "collar-length" bangs that are the color of "old blood". Such a wonderful description, don't you think?

oh.. and one little factor.... She's "cajon". She's so country you could rake her and get ten pounds of dirt off of her and she has the accent to prove it.

And boy does she love to prove it. @.@;;

Mood?: sleepysleepy
Singin': Cirque du Soliel
29 July 2009 @ 07:06 am

This I found a loooooooooong time ago in a galaxy far, far away and I still don't have any idea where I got it really. I was, again, poking through my backlogged folders and I found this. I tried to find it again and realized that the author had deleted it like so much fodder. Bad for her, then, that I have the only surviving copy then, eh? >.>

Meet Cinzia Nott, or Cin for short. (Geddit? Sin? lawl god I'm tired.) She's a parselmouth, she is an accomplished occlumist and a legilimens and she's a full metamorphagus. Oh, and she also happens to be the Dark Lord's daughter, but she doesn't know that. She's off posing for bitchboy Draco in slutwear to piss off Lucius when in comes Voldemort and demands to see her. She comes down in that attire and Voldemort then acts very, very weird. He acts like he's going to have some "fun" with her if you know what I mean, and I know you do. Draco is also acting very weird and he chuckles knowingly before walking off when dismissed. Remember this because it's completely irrelevant later. Then, voldemort asks her where the most private place in the house is and she says it's the attic and the attic, as it turns out, was bought from a love hotel complete with cocktail bar and red velvet on the bed. -.o And then he asks her where she wants her dark mark and she tells him right above her ass. And THEN it's revealed to the other deatheaters that she is his daughter and blah blah blah... unnecessary DRAMA ensues as Draco earns his dramaqueen award and the sue competes for it. It's stupid.

And as usual, it's always cross posted on the Sue Destroyer.
Mood?: sleepysleepy
Singin': Cirque du Soliel
28 July 2009 @ 08:23 pm

I'm still sort of staving off of New Moon for a while until Ecplise comes out in paperback, hopefully in Half-Price Books. In the mean time I'm doing these things and reading Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Cirque du Freak. (Thank you whomever recommended it.)

I went poking through my bookmarks in my "suefics" folder and then looked in my "Fanfiction Sporks" folder for things I had not done. This is one of those that I had made screenshots of, but never got around to doing. I tend to do the ones that irritate me the most and the motivation of seeing the whole thing brutalized is what keeps me going. This thing... it's offensive and unremarkable aside from being amazingly offensive. I doubt you'll enjoy it even with my commentary. Even still, I'll let you read it. -.o

As the author says she made up this character to prove the point that her characters are NOT Mary Sues at all, so to drive this point home she came up with a Bitchiwitch Sue. A really bad Bitchiwitch Sue. That's... really all you need to know.

As always, it's cross posted on the Sue Destroyer.
Fake Mary-Sue is Fake. Troll is real.Collapse )
Mood?: boredbored
Singin': Rush Limbaugh for yesterday and today